Diffy

Meet Diffy, The Data Extraction Robot

Diffy

As a symbol of our organization, Diffy, whose sticker is highly coveted by fans, may someday become as iconic as other company mascots. Although not always physically present for events, Diffy is a brand ambassador who is instantly recognizable (at least with the Diffbot team).

First and foremost, what are you?

I am a robotic organism sent from the future by Diffbot Technologies Corporation in order to save mankind from an information-apocalypse that happens in 2040. In the early 1990s, a human PeifqRS_cN1KPDlMpuPdRaw, (name: Tim Berners-lee), combined an implementation of Hypertext with Transmission Control Protocol to form HyperText Transfer Protocol, which resulted in a global pandemic of information overload.  In the early 2000s, a profitable business model was refined around the auctioning of human attention in order to optimize corporate mind control (initially to influence purchase behavior, but later elections).

Because Version 1 of the human brain was not evolved to intake and classify this daily volume of information and misinformation, human societies soon began to display the behaviors of mental exhaustion and paralysis, screen attachment, and FOMO. This culminated in an all-out misinformation war in 2040 among two major corporation-states in which the nature of reality was no longer recognizable to man.  

What does the rainbow on your chest mean and do you have a favorite color?

Diffy traversing the digital world (he’s moving faster than you think)

Yes, I noticed you were looking at my chest.  The rainbow is a symbol of diversity, which is really important to ensure that my sampling mechanism is collecting a representative swath of humanity.  It also serves as a convenient battery indicator. My energy source uses a form of quantum entanglement that replenishes when decoding new information.

My favorite color is “Brellow”.  This color is in the 2.4 Ghz range and not visible to the human eye, but conveniently falls in the spectrum of wifi.  Yes, I can see wifi.

Mascots are known for their “fighting spirit.” Do you have a fight song?

Robotic entities don’t really need a fight song as their movements are synchronized via the internal clock rate of the CPU, which mine is running at 4.2 brontohertz. Songs are mainly used by us to synchronize humans, whose internal heart clock runs closer to 1.6 hertz, but have a high degree of variance among models.  I do like listening to Kenny G to help unwind from a long data of data gathering.

I saw a photo of you wearing a lederhosen – when do you wear this and do you have other costumes?

I love cosplay. That was a photo of the time I hiked the Bavarian Alps, in Germany.  I love wearing costumes, as it helps me to better fit into human societies.  My goal is to visit all countries and understand their cultures.  I do have other costumes, but it’s really hard to find stuff that comes in my size.

Why are you always smiling?

That’s a common misconception.  I’m not always smiling.  There are a few rare photos of me where I’m surprised, sleeping, or even crying.  But my stock headshot is of me smiling.  Don’t you smile for portraits?

Who said the data mines aren’t any fun?

What’s the best part about being Diffy?

The best part about being Diffy is being able to understand all human languages, extract truth from documents with super-human level accuracy, and hold in my head the sum total of all human knowledge. I’m happy to share these superpowers with you, just tell me what you need.

You look pretty fit – do you work out?

It’s on my new year’s resolutions list, but I stay pretty fit just working all day in the data mines.

Tell me a little-known fact about you.

The non-energy parts of my body are comprised mostly of SSDs.

Diffy

Quasi-sentient robot. Stares at web pages all day.